Saturday, July 13, 2013

Astronomy: A Humbling, Sobering Experience

Something inexplicable happened today.  I woke up at 9:30am on a Saturday to let the dogs out and I didn’t go back to bed.  I actually went to the kitchen, warmed up the coffee Amanda had brewed this morning and made myself a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich for breakfast.  Afterward, because my house always feels like a meat locker in the mornings, I decided to have a little soak in the bath tub to thaw out.  One of my good buddies informed me once in reference to men taking baths, “That’s gay.”  Every time I step into the tub I think of him saying that and it cracks me up.  I’m not sure how bathing habits denote sexual orientation, but hey. 

Last night was a good time.  I went to Tipton County for a little cookout/going away party.  One of my good friends, Greg, is heading to Georgia for fifteen weeks to train for the National Guard.  I definitely wish him the best in his endeavor, though I know he’ll do well.  Greg is a man of great character.  There were only about eight of us there, but we made the best of it and had a great time.  I hauled the telescope to the party and I think it may have blown some minds when I pointed it at Saturn (the Moon was pretty popular, too).  Some of the people there had never looked through a telescope in their lives and it was pretty awe inspiring for them.  My friend, Krystle, actually said something that made me smile quite a bit.  She said, “I feel so insignificant.”  That’s exactly what I felt the first time I gazed through my telescope and spotted a planet.  Astronomy is an extremely humbling experience.  It’s true that we’re insignificant to a point.  In terms of how important we feel we are here on earth and to existence itself, on the cosmic scale, realizing that we live on a tiny planet that doesn’t amount to a speck of dust, orbiting an average star within a spiral arm of a single galaxy amongst billions... if one isn’t “brought down to earth” by that, they aren’t thinking hard enough.  Or possibly they aren’t willing to contemplate this fact.  When we look to the sky, we see these tiny points of light strewn across a jet black background (or almost bluish-black in areas of light pollution).  Most everyone thinks it’s pretty, but beyond that they don’t give it much thought.  Rarely do people think of the simple truth that those tiny points of light are whole new worlds.  Almost every star in that sky has its own solar system.  Yes, a great number of stars likely (and in some cases definitely) have their own set of planets orbiting around them just like our little star, once called Sol or Helios (a Greek god that was the embodiment of the sun).  I'll bet most people weren’t aware that our star had a name once, as did our moon (our moon is called Luna, which should surprise no one considering all things moon related are referred to as “lunar”).  But some of those little points of light, those that shine consistently without blinking, are planets.  We all know they’re there.  We’ve seen the pictures in Science text books and online when folks have posted their own astrophotography. 

Despite the beautiful detail these photos reveal, nothing compares to viewing the planets with our own eyes through the lens of a telescope.  There’s just something surreal and core-shaking about the whole experience, especially the first time.  But even after multiple views of these planets, I still get butterflies.  Every time I see the shadow falling upon the yellowish sphere of the planet Saturn cast by its majestic rings, I am completely engulfed by the beauty.  If one allows the eye to acclimate for long enough, they can even detect the spaces between the rings, revealing them in yet finer detail.  Then, if one can take their eye from the amazing planet and look up from it just a tiny bit, they can easily spot Saturn’s largest moon, Titan.  Then as the eyes acclimate even further, other tiny dots of light appear, revealing more of Saturn’s moons (as far as moons go, the real show is viewing Jupiter).  Some might find it hard to believe, but I can sit in my yard and just gawk at a planet for hours and never lose interest.  The longer I stare, the more I see, the more connected I feel to this Universe.  This brings me back to the question of our significance.

Carl Sagan once said, “We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself.”  I think that’s such a wonderful quote.  Just think about those words for a moment.  The fact that we are in the Universe means that we essentially are the Universe.  If we are the Universe, then all intelligent life in the Cosmos is literally part of a collective brain.  Conscious life that is able to contemplate its own existence, then learn about and even begin to understand the natural world around it, is the Universe becoming self-aware.  I can only hope that one day our civilization can meet with another civilization, somewhere light years away, and our collective knowledge will combine with their collective knowledge.  Thus, the self-aware Universe will have completed a thought, and will have learned even more about itself.  I think of it as neurons in the brain firing off to form a thought.  When those neurons come together and work together, something of significance comes about as a result.  On a grand scale, intelligent species coming together would be relatively the same kind of thing.  Or maybe a simpler analogy would be the lives of ants.  A single ant on its own isn’t extremely intelligent.  When an ant colony is looking for a new home, they scatter off in relative chaos.  But when one ant finds a suitable habitat, it signals the other ants around it and they begin to work.  Then other ants, messenger ants, will go off to find the rest of the colony and in some cases even literally carry other ants back to the newly found location.  This happens until all of the ants are accounted for and eventually the whole colony becomes a collective thought process.  When I think of our place in the Universe in these terms, I realize that we’re not insignificant, but we’re very important.  We are the neurons.  We are the ants that roam and collect information and each time we discover something new, the Universe knows a little more about itself.  But fortunately for us, our brains have developed emotion (above all , love) and wonder.  Feelings that allow us to feel and enjoy the things we learn and experience.  We matter.  We matter and we should take care of one another.  We should take care of this planet we’re so fortunate to have come to be upon.  We should want learn about this world and other worlds not only to make life better for ourselves now, but for future generations. 

This planet won’t always be here.  Everyone has their own ideas on how this planet’s demise will come to pass.  For me, I can’t understand how anyone’s existential worldview could ever get in the way of the desire to take care of our home.  For that matter, I can’t understand how anyone could be so short-sighted as to oppose exploration of the Universe in order to find a way to create a new home away from this planet, if ever needed.  Sure, that sounds like science fiction, but so did the idea of something like a smart phone when we watched Dr. Spock and Captain Kirk communicate with one another on Star Trek.  Science Fiction tends to have the uncanny ability to become Science Fact.  To live “in the now”, is fine for a lot of things in life.  Things like family, work, hobbies, or anything else that enrich our lives as human beings should be enjoyed in the present and cherished.  But for something as incredibly crucial as taking care of this Earth, we must take the long view and think of future generations.  Would anyone really want to imagine their great, great, great, great grandchildren suffering for the mistakes of past generations?  I know that I would not.  Some deny the findings of Climate Science on this subject and refuse to acknowledge that we as a species have created any of these problems.  That could be true, however unlikely.  But even if we aren’t the cause, why is there so much resistance to at least attempting to call upon newer, cleaner resources that do less harm to our environment?  Are we really this duped by the capitalist, corporate mindset of consume, consume, consume?  Are we really unaware that this attitude only benefits those that are in it to line their pockets and live indulgently in the short-term while we watch gas prices soar and then have the gall to be outraged when we could do something to remedy it?  We’ve allowed this to happen over the years.  We were once ignorant, but no longer.

Call me a hippie.  Call me a “libtard”.  If caring about my planet and future generations of human beings makes me worthy of ridicule then, by all means, send it my way.  I’ll take that side effect.  How we got to a point in humanity where I feel I have to be almost ashamed of my views concerning the environment because of a mindset that states, as the great Louis C.K. put it, “I wanted to go faster… I’m not fast enough” (during his standup special in a scenario where a human was asked by a higher intelligence why there was oil spilled everywhere and why he took it from the ground), will always mystify me.  Technologically speaking, fossil fuels and other forms of energy that produce pollutants were a necessary step in our progression.  But now we're fully aware that there are workable alternatives.  There are cleaner, safer, and most importantly of all, healthier alternatives and we should utilize this knowledge rather than cling to old ways.  Just because we've always done something one way, doesn't necessarily mean it's the best way.  When we know better, it's our responsibility to do better.  So, let's do better.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I Am Who I Am.

There are a lot of perks to being a kid.  The average kid in the United States has virtually no responsibilities outside of some chores and homework.  They go to school for about nine months out of the year with some nice breaks sprinkled in, then they get almost three months off in the summer.  Summer vacation was such a blissful occasion for me as a child.  I hated school with every inch of my being and had no desire to take it seriously (this would be the closest thing to what I would consider a regret).  So June, July, and most of August were obviously a time I looked forward to quite a bit.  I always tried to make the most of it, too.  I'd keep in mind that this precious time to myself was limited and I'd be hopping on that big, yellow bus again in no time.  As the common, old adage states, I didn't know how good I had it.  But this post isn't to reminisce about the good old days of my childhood.  This post is about the perks of being an adult.  Kids spend a lot of time trying to find an identity.  In that process, they endure some tough times.  They change friends, endure ridicule, experience their first rejections, first heartbreak, and all of the other general growing pains that we associate with childhood.

For a good part of my life, I've been what some might call a people-pleaser.  I've gone out of my way to be nice to people I care about and if conflict does arise, I have an annoying tendency to want to squash it with haste.  I don't know how many times I've heard, "Just drop it."  But I've never been able to do that.  I've never been able to stand having an enemy.  If it's on my mind that someone has a problem with me or are angry with me in general, I drive myself crazy over it.  My wife, Amanda, deserves some kind of reward for how many times she's been the victim of my desire to put an issue to rest.  The way I handle an argument could be described in the model of a sitcom:  conflict resolution in less than thirty minutes, with the occasional, "To Be Continued...".  But in the past year, I've felt a change.  The people-pleasing part of me seems to be slowly deteriorating.  I have to wonder... does this mean I'm becoming selfish?  No, I think I'm just finding that identity that I started searching for as a kid.

Lately, I've often pondered how I just don't really care that much about how others perceive of me anymore.  Is this a good thing?  I think it is in a way.  I've let people manipulate me, walk all over me, talk down to me, and other nasty things a people-pleaser must endure.  All of this for the purpose of making sure people think highly of me.  But now I ask myself, why should I care if people think highly of me?  Who do I need to impress?  I'm married to a wonderful, beautiful, hilarious, caring woman that I don't think I could possibly love more, but somehow I do love more every day.  She does so much for me and I've only recently started to reciprocate.  I've got a lot of catching up to do for all of those years that I sat around not helping with the housework.  I'm doing all I can to change that.  The highlight of my day is when she and I settle down for the night and watch our favorite shows on Netflix and the good old DVR.  I love just sitting and laughing together and talking about our days.  I love her smile.  I love her laugh.  I love her voice.  I just love HER.  She inspired me to stop smoking.  She inspired me to start eating right and working out.  I went from 265 pounds to (most recently) 191 pounds.  I no longer have high blood pressure.  I no longer get the "shakes" if I don't eat enough.  I don't snore and jerk myself awake from symptoms of sleep apnea.  I don't have to cut off my own air supply when I bend down to tie my shoes.  I know I did the work myself, but I owe so much of it to her.  She may have very well saved me from an early death.

I own a home.  It's small, old, and has the shittiest plumbing one could possibly imagine.  But hey, I still own it.  I have two vehicles to my name, two cute little beagles, and all the entertainment I could ever want surrounding me.  I have a rickety, old tin garage that hosts a weekly guy's night (well, until the colder months) in which we knock back a few, play cards, smoke cigars, and talk about a lot of sports and music.  I've developed an affinity for craft-brewed beers and sometimes on those guy's nights, I indulge in one or two too many.  I'll wake up in a fog once in a while on Saturday, but it's well worth it to enjoy a night with my buddies and just melt away the stress of the week.  Instead of lying around, wallowing in my self-induced headache and malaise, I get my ass off the couch, make a grocery list, and go get them.  If it's the summer time, I do the yard work and sweat it all out.  That's what a man does.  He goes through with his responsibilities despite everything.

I have a group of friends that have been together for so long now, they're literally more like family members than just friends.  A lot of them have families of their own now, but a select few of them have emerged from that to STILL make time for us and we haven't missed a beat in our relationships.  That means everything to me.  To me, they're amazing people.  I have a great relationship with all of my immediate family and I even though I don't get over to visit mom and dad as often as I should, they know I love them.  They did a lot for me in my younger years and I would do anything for them in return.  My sister and I were at one time, mortal enemies, but as we've grown, we've become nothing short of great friends.  I've gotten closer with her children in past year and I've got to say, that's one of the greatest things that happened to me in 2012.

There have been some personal revelations within me that have brought me a tremendous amount peace, as well.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm comfortable saying, "I am who I am."  Take it or leave it.  From this point on, no longer will I allow anyone to walk on me.  I will not be manipulated.  Most of all, I will not entertain, for lack of a better term, "bullshit".  I'm so content with my life right now and I won't let anything poison it.  So the next time a conflict arises, rather than negotiate and alter who I am to make someone else happy, my response may be a little surprising for someone that knows me well.  That response will be simple.

Deal with it.