There are a lot of perks to being a kid. The average kid in the United States has virtually no responsibilities outside of some chores and homework. They go to school for about nine months out of the year with some nice breaks sprinkled in, then they get almost three months off in the summer. Summer vacation was such a blissful occasion for me as a child. I hated school with every inch of my being and had no desire to take it seriously (this would be the closest thing to what I would consider a regret). So June, July, and most of August were obviously a time I looked forward to quite a bit. I always tried to make the most of it, too. I'd keep in mind that this precious time to myself was limited and I'd be hopping on that big, yellow bus again in no time. As the common, old adage states, I didn't know how good I had it. But this post isn't to reminisce about the good old days of my childhood. This post is about the perks of being an adult. Kids spend a lot of time trying to find an identity. In that process, they endure some tough times. They change friends, endure ridicule, experience their first rejections, first heartbreak, and all of the other general growing pains that we associate with childhood.
For a good part of my life, I've been what some might call a people-pleaser. I've gone out of my way to be nice to people I care about and if conflict does arise, I have an annoying tendency to want to squash it with haste. I don't know how many times I've heard, "Just drop it." But I've never been able to do that. I've never been able to stand having an enemy. If it's on my mind that someone has a problem with me or are angry with me in general, I drive myself crazy over it. My wife, Amanda, deserves some kind of reward for how many times she's been the victim of my desire to put an issue to rest. The way I handle an argument could be described in the model of a sitcom: conflict resolution in less than thirty minutes, with the occasional, "To Be Continued...". But in the past year, I've felt a change. The people-pleasing part of me seems to be slowly deteriorating. I have to wonder... does this mean I'm becoming selfish? No, I think I'm just finding that identity that I started searching for as a kid.
Lately, I've often pondered how I just don't really care that much about how others perceive of me anymore. Is this a good thing? I think it is in a way. I've let people manipulate me, walk all over me, talk down to me, and other nasty things a people-pleaser must endure. All of this for the purpose of making sure people think highly of me. But now I ask myself, why should I care if people think highly of me? Who do I need to impress? I'm married to a wonderful, beautiful, hilarious, caring woman that I don't think I could possibly love more, but somehow I do love more every day. She does so much for me and I've only recently started to reciprocate. I've got a lot of catching up to do for all of those years that I sat around not helping with the housework. I'm doing all I can to change that. The highlight of my day is when she and I settle down for the night and watch our favorite shows on Netflix and the good old DVR. I love just sitting and laughing together and talking about our days. I love her smile. I love her laugh. I love her voice. I just love HER. She inspired me to stop smoking. She inspired me to start eating right and working out. I went from 265 pounds to (most recently) 191 pounds. I no longer have high blood pressure. I no longer get the "shakes" if I don't eat enough. I don't snore and jerk myself awake from symptoms of sleep apnea. I don't have to cut off my own air supply when I bend down to tie my shoes. I know I did the work myself, but I owe so much of it to her. She may have very well saved me from an early death.
I own a home. It's small, old, and has the shittiest plumbing one could possibly imagine. But hey, I still own it. I have two vehicles to my name, two cute little beagles, and all the entertainment I could ever want surrounding me. I have a rickety, old tin garage that hosts a weekly guy's night (well, until the colder months) in which we knock back a few, play cards, smoke cigars, and talk about a lot of sports and music. I've developed an affinity for craft-brewed beers and sometimes on those guy's nights, I indulge in one or two too many. I'll wake up in a fog once in a while on Saturday, but it's well worth it to enjoy a night with my buddies and just melt away the stress of the week. Instead of lying around, wallowing in my self-induced headache and malaise, I get my ass off the couch, make a grocery list, and go get them. If it's the summer time, I do the yard work and sweat it all out. That's what a man does. He goes through with his responsibilities despite everything.
I have a group of friends that have been together for so long now, they're literally more like family members than just friends. A lot of them have families of their own now, but a select few of them have emerged from that to STILL make time for us and we haven't missed a beat in our relationships. That means everything to me. To me, they're amazing people. I have a great relationship with all of my immediate family and I even though I don't get over to visit mom and dad as often as I should, they know I love them. They did a lot for me in my younger years and I would do anything for them in return. My sister and I were at one time, mortal enemies, but as we've grown, we've become nothing short of great friends. I've gotten closer with her children in past year and I've got to say, that's one of the greatest things that happened to me in 2012.
There have been some personal revelations within me that have brought me a tremendous amount peace, as well. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm comfortable saying, "I am who I am." Take it or leave it. From this point on, no longer will I allow anyone to walk on me. I will not be manipulated. Most of all, I will not entertain, for lack of a better term, "bullshit". I'm so content with my life right now and I won't let anything poison it. So the next time a conflict arises, rather than negotiate and alter who I am to make someone else happy, my response may be a little surprising for someone that knows me well. That response will be simple.
Deal with it.
