So, I turned 30 about a month ago. I know. It's so old. I've never been intimidated by the prospect of reaching this monumental age. I feel the same physically I did five years ago (actually, I probably feel healthier than I did five years ago. I lost fifty pounds between April 2008 and January 2009. I've managed to gain fifteen back... oops!). Durning my mid-twenties, I began to hear stories of "revelations" and "freak outs" as the age approached or shortly after it arrived. I would think to myself, 'not me, it's just another year.' I proved myself right, for the most part. I don't have any feelings of depression. I don't feel old in the slightest. But I would be lying if I said there weren't a few inklings of anxiety whilst lying in bed, assessing the current state of my life.
"What have I accomplished, really?"
"Am I as far along in life as I thought I'd be ten years ago?"
"Shouldn't I already have found my career?"
"Shouldn't I already have children?"
"Does any of this crap that has been important to me throughout my twenties really matter?"
Yeah... that stuff.
I realize we live in a different time. I realize people aren't getting married as young and are having children at a later age. Hell, I got married at 22 and the reaction I most often get is, "Wow! That's young!" It's an odd thing.
My parents were married in 1977 at ripe old age of 18. When I was 18, I was quite single and didn't have much on my mind other than who I was going to find to illegally purchase alcohol for me on the weekend. I worked as a projectionist/shift manager at a movie theater making $6.05 per hour. I did go away to college in Evansville for one full year. Yeah... didn't work out.
My mother gave birth to me at 23 and gave birth to my sister less than two years later. By the time she turned 25, she had two children and had been married for seven years. When I was 25 I was plugging around Kokomo and Indianapolis on most weekends in a thrash metal band, still partying with friends every weekend, serving at a restaurant, and having the guys over to play Dungeons & Dragons once a week. I did take some online classes at Ivy Tech for a while, though. Yeah... didn't work out.
Now I'm 30. By the time my mother and father turned 30, I was already in first grade and playing little league baseball. Dad was working his way up the ladder towards an engineering career (sans college degree, might I add). As of now, I'm working at a call center. I spend the better part of my day getting cursed at and getting told where to go when I die all for answering the phone and reading from a computer screen. Rather than thinking of advancing up the ladder, I spend my day brainstorming a plan for getting out of that God-forsaken place. But I must admit, I'm all talk. The pay is good, and the benefits are second to none. That's kind of hard to leave. I have no one to blame but myself though. I'm what you'd call a late bloomer, I guess.
To my credit, I am a home owner, have two vehicles, two dogs, and have been married for seven (going on eight) years. So I'm ahead of the curve in that respect based on the current standard. I guess I should feel good about that. I still haven't quite figured out that property tax thing though. I guess you're supposed to pay those on time.
I still flip-flop constantly on career aspirations. I have a lot of things I'm interested in. I love theology. But I'm not sure I can invest the time it would take to become a theologian. Not because I don't have the time, but I don't know if I can motivate myself for that long. I love computers and technology. This is a more viable option as it would take less schooling to obtain the degree I need to land a decent job. But that's something I've tried before. I lost interest fast. I didn't neccesarily lose interest in the subject, but I lost interest in doing the work involved. I also like writing and literature. I've considered a degree in that area. I think I would love being a high school English teacher. I don't see that happening either.
I would never say that I regret becoming so enthralled in music, but I do think it is directly related to my indecision. I've put more into music than anyting else since the age of 14. I've been incredibly serious about becoming a musician as recently as six or seven months ago. But for the past... probably four years... I have went round and round in my brain trying to decide if I even want to do that. It turns out, I don't have the burning desire for that anymore either. I'll never stop playing. I'm 100% sure that I will begin writing again (I haven't really written for about three years). I may even start something new. We'll see.
Eh. I don't know.
My plan for now is to just coast. That's what I've always done. I've been happy to do it, too. I've enjoyed my life for the most part. I don't really care about having a lot of money. As long as I have enough to enjoy dinner and a movie with my wife, and a little extra for some video games, I'm good. Career-wise, I'll probably shed my skin from time to time for the rest of my life. That's the way we do things nowadays. I would like to bring those kids into the equation at some point. Don't worry, we're working on that... hehe.
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