Etiquette in Social Media and Text Messaging

Communication in modern times is much different from what it was in even the fairly recent past. We in the first world have essentially become beholden to technology in all matters of life. Because this has become such a deep-seated truth, it has become akin to face-to-face conversation when concerning texting and messaging of any kind. Would a decent person blatantly ignore someone who addressed them in an in-person conversation? Highly unlikely. Now that so much communication occurs from a distance and has become a part of our daily lives, we should be more sensitive to how it may affect others when we simply decide to shun their attempts at conversation. Privacy is important, but as a humanist and someone who cares about the emotions of other human beings, I feel this is worth considering in terms of our mental health and how friends should treat one another. I've decided to come up with some handy tips for how to put off a conversation that is either unwanted or we don't have time for, with some needed sidebars included.

Responding to someone when directly addressed in a comment on a social media post or a direct message (text, any kind of messenger) is easy and full of benefits.
How it’s easy:

1. It literally takes seconds.
2. It requires basically no energy.
3. It usually requires very little thought.

How it’s beneficial:

1. One engages in human, social interaction.
2. One avoids coming off as self-important.
3. One avoids upsetting the person sending the message and in turn avoid dealing with the unneeded annoyance of addressing the upset person’s concerns as to why one has decided to ignore them.

It should be noted and understood that sometimes, someone just doesn’t feel like talking or simply didn’t see the message until a much later time. But if we care about the feelings of our friends, this shouldn't excuse us from using common courtesy and practicing general social etiquette. Here are some tips for dealing with both of these situations.

Don’t feel like talking:

1. Step 1:  address the initial message (optional). Step 2: follow up with, “Hey, sorry, I’m a little busy at the moment. I’ll have to talk to you later.” If you don't have time to address the subject matter, skip directly to step 2.
2. Say you’re not necessarily busy, but you’re reading a book or watching Netflix, for example. The best thing to do in this situation? Use honesty. “Hey, what’s up. Can’t talk now, I’m in the middle of watching a show/reading a book and want to finish up. Chat later.” The person may be disappointed, but they’ll at least know you have acknowledged them and care about their attempt to contact you.
3. If it’s on social media and it’s a statement that you have nothing to add to and don’t feel like doing so, most social media sites offer a “like” option. This is just a courtesy and sends the message to the friend in question, “I have seen you’re comment and have chosen to acknowledge to you that I’ve read it. However, I have nothing of import to add.”

Didn’t see the message:

*Note: This one is tricky. Some people can become very impatient and barrage you with further messages. These people are likely dealing with some kind of insecurity or are maybe even lonely in their life. Though it’s incredibly irritating and can even seem rude, be the better person and attempt to exhibit empathy. If the person is blatantly rude, then we course have license to defend ourselves in kind and this presents case where ignoring the message may be considered appropriate. Some phones (and virtually all social media) have features where we can block certain parties from contacting us.

1. The classic, “Hey sorry, just saw this...” works perfectly in any situation.
2. Say you feel asleep or hadn’t awaken for the day. Let’s go back to an earlier tactic: use honestly. “Hey, sorry, I just woke up...” Then address them in kind. If you don’t feel like speaking further, see tips for “Don’t feel like talking.”

Let’s say this person genuinely rubs the recipient of the message the wrong way and said recipient wants nothing to do with them. Let’s get back to that “use honesty” tactic described earlier. It may seem difficult, but it may be the best course of action for the recipient to bluntly inform the messaging party that they don't want anything to do with them. “Listen, I’m not interested in speaking to you.” It may seem harsh, but it will save the recipient and the party in question lots of grief in the future. It could even thwart a much bigger issue in advance. It may be initially uncomfortable and feelings could even change down the road, but at least the person won’t be in any way curious as to why the recipient seems to always avoid them.

There are people who likely text excessively. These people are probably unaware they are being a nuisance. Again, the "use honesty" tactic can take a person very far in this scenario. Consider telling the person, "Hey, though I enjoy being your friend, I'm not really much of a texting person. I'd rather just keep text conversations to a minimum if we could. Feel free to text me if you need something, but I'm probably not going to just have lengthy conversations with you via text unless I'm really in the mood for it." The person may be disappointed that they won't be able to socialize with their friend outside of seeing one another in person much, but if the messaging party respects the recipient  as a friend, they'll listen and they'll keep the texts to a minimum.

The very little effort involved in acknowledging someone else's attempt to connect with us via conversation is a win-win for both parties. It's always worth remembering that the mere fact this person is attempting to contact us usually means they see our worth and admire it. This person likely enjoys speaking with us and our company. Not every individual is fortunate enough to have such a luxury in this often unkind world. It's important that we remember and feel grateful for having people in our lives with which to socialize.